The Tonk
The Tonk almost sprayed the Coco Pops across the breakfast table this week after reading the following in a West Australian paper: "Racing stewards are investigating the delivery to a Perth veterinary clinic in March last year of a $110,000 tank of frozen semen which was supposed to be from Brett Lee, but turned out to be a mixed batch." But before we could alert the authorities to this apparently twisted attempt to breed dogs with mean outswingers, we learned that this Brett Lee is, in fact, a greyhound named after the blond fast bowler. The "frozen sperm fiasco", as described in The West Australian, began when "WA bitch Princess Monelli … [gave] birth to eight pups, who were supposedly the offspring of Brett Lee - the multiple group 1-winning star who was part-owned by AFL legend Tony Lockett." The Tonk wishes Brett Lee, Princess Monelli and the litter a lifetime of happiness.
Butt that isn't all …
There is no shortage of teenage girls after Lee's backside but now they have been joined by paceman Shane Harwood. The Victorian was asked this week to reflect on a successful season. In a candid response, he said he was satisfied with his numbers, fitness and strength, but what he really wanted was Brett's butt. "I have been working a lot on my core strength but I still haven't got the Brett Lee arse yet," Harwood said. Asked to please explain by the slightly surprised reporter, Harwood offered: "Well, I'm just talking about my little behind. If you have a look at [Andy] Bichel, [Michael] Kasprowicz, Brett Lee and [Andrew] Flintoff, the powerful lads, they seem to have the big arse."
- ALEX BROWN and TREVOR MARSHALLSEA