Cricket Explained

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AN EXPLANATION OF CRICKET


CRICKET: As explained to a foreigner...

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

- Courtesy of CricInfo

 

CRICKET DICTIONARY

Appeal: A 250 decibel scream made to overcome the obvious congenital deafness so common in the umpiring profession.

Avagoyamug: The mysterious, almost religious chant that comes out of the mouth of the cricket spectator. Sometimes it can be repeated by the one person 1200 times in an afternoon, especially if the Englishmen are batting.

Block: Taking block, a slow painful ritual involving an incoming batsman, the umpire and a little pitch excavation. A means of postponing the fearful onslaught.

Bradman: See God.

Bye: A way of scoring a run or more by cleverly missing the ball.The umpire raises one arm as if he wants to leave the room. The wicketkeeper wishes he could.

Caught Behind: Trapped in the turnstiles.

Commentator: He's venerable. His eyesight is not as good as it was in 1938 but it's remarkable how he can still pick an inswinger or an outswinger from 200 metres. Whats going on in the centre can be a wretched inconvevience when he's just recalling that marvellous incident on the fourth day of the Fifth Test in 1948. He is superb at describing seagulls and most graceful at 5pm when he refers to the long shadows moving across the ground. At 6pm during the suming up he can usually cause a shock by actually referring to the day's play.

Esky: A trade device used for carting refreshments mostly into sports grounds. Many of them are made of plastic foam. In moments of extreme emotion during Test matches it is done to break up your esky and throw the pieces at the players.

Extras: Or in politer circles, sundries. Here we have the collection of no balls and byes. Extras is quite a fellow. Sometimes he is so skillful he is the top scorer of the day.

Football: A crude winter game played with an inflated pigskin. It provides much tedious talk in the newspapers, bars and on the airwaves. If particular care is not taken it will get worse and the desire will arise to play it all year round.

God: See Bradman.

Horse Racing: A strange unecessary sport where horses are thrashed into competing against one another. It is used for the sole purpose of interrupting cricket descriptions on the radio.

- Courtesy of cricketjokes.com

 

ODI DICTIONARY

Bad Light: what games tend to finish in, when it is probably twice as dark as it was when the batsman went off for bad light in the middle of the afternoon session.

Bits and Pieces Player: cricketer who is only average at more things than the average player.

Bowler's Limitation: maximum number of overs a bowler is allowed to bowl, which they usually exceed by bowling no-balls.

Bowler Tossing The Ball Up: bowler celebrating a caught and bowled.

Bowling Attack: a series of bowlers who defend.

Building A Platform For The Innings: method by which batsmen bat very slowly leaving the tail to bat very quickly to ensure a decent total.

Coloured Clothing: what players wear in the hope that spectators will wear it too; also a useful way for the crowd to tell the difference between the batsmen and the bowlers.

Day/Night Match: one-day game played under contemporary over- rates.

Death: part of the innings in which the participants are the most active.

Dismissal of Batsman: bowler's attempt at a dot ball which didn't go quite to plan.

Fielding Circle: lot of dots which, if joined up, would not make a circle.

Fielding Restrictions: way of making captains put fielders where they don't want them.

Full Toss: yorker which has got above itself.

Gillette: company who decided to sponsor a one-day cricket competition to make people realise that they made razor blades. Everyone then realised that Gillette was something to do with cricket. Therefore the company decided not to sponsor a one-day cricket competition to make people realise that they made razor blades.

Leg-Break and Googly Bowler: 12th man.

Maiden Over: every bowler's aim.

Man Of The Match Adjudicator: normally a famous ex-bowler or batsman; which of these he is can often be determined by whether he gave the award to a batsman or a bowler.

Man Of The Match Award: (1) conversation piece, especially when the match is a foregone conclusion; (2) monetary award almost always given to a member of winning side. Adjudicator decides which player to give it to, and this player then shares the money equally amongst his team mates.

Move With The Times: meaningless cliche identifying speaker as a marketing man.

One-Day Shot: heave across line unlikely to make contact with ball, thereby scoring no runs and making batsman liable to be bowled; played by batsmen in the belief that this helps them to score runs quickly.

One-Day Wide: at beginning of innings same as any other wide, at end of innings any ball which goes down leg side.

Opening Batsman: most likely winner of Man of the Match Award.

Outside The Circle: on the boundary.

Reduced Target: (1) way of achieving statistical equality and practical inequality; (2) (in Australia) target rarely reduced, merely number of overs to get it in.

Running Ball Down To Third Man: way to make batting harder by using less of bat's face.

Run-Rate Required: something batsmen early in innings increase leaving their bowlers later in the innings to decrease.

Short Third Man and Short Fine Leg: positions where fielders are unlikely to stop a ball unless going straight at them - unlike regular third man and fine leg positions - thereby conceding more runs than are saved by having mid-off and mid-on on boundary in the event of batsmen hitting the quick bowlers back over their heads.

Slower Ball: delivery bowled to surprise batsman in final overs of an innings; originally the surprise was when a slower delivery was bowled, now it is when a slower delivery is not bowled.

Spinner: medium pacer with a shorter than usual run-up.

Stonewaller: a very senior player and/ or captain' s best friend.

Slip: what happens to a fielder without spikes on wet grass.

Sweeper: term borrowed from Association Football, so as to make football fans - who watch one-day cricket in the three days a year when there is no football so as to allow for footballers' pre-season training - feel welcome.

Tea Interval: moveable feast.

Thoreau: he who said 'beware of all enterprises that require new clothes' .

Treble Wicket Maiden: every bowler's fantasy.

Trundler: bowler bowling at this end and/or bowler bowling at the other end.

World Cup Final: international one-day competition which many countries compete over many years to host, and which two countries compete over part of a day to win.

Wicket-keeper: batsman who keeps his pads on when fielding.

- Courtesy of cricketjokes.com